If I Die Young
by wowlovely
Summary: What if Adam wasn't shot at prom? and Clare was instead? How would everyone close to her handle her death?
1. Intro

**A/N: Hey. So, this will be a more tragic story than I've ever written. It was suggested to me by ithinktheyredead off tumblr. Its based off a video I made a while back, "What if Clare Died" I highly suggest you watch it since I'm better at making videos than writing, my youtube name is MegansCold and the link in on my profile :) Enjoy~**

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><p>When Clare Edwards imagined prom, she imagined something out of her dreams. She Imagined getting to wear a pretty dress and having a good time with her friends. She imagined having a great time with her boyfriend- one of the last because this was the only excuse she had left to see him.<p>

However, things don't turned out as planned.

Clare Edwards didn't expect her mother to announce that she was getting married to her boyfriend's dad. It was this time last year that her mom was married to her dad- didn't getting divorced, dating and getting engaged in the same year seem a bit rushed?

And then Jake. She was worried before, that he'd take off and leave. She'd been right. Although she knew she couldn't really blame him- he only wanted his father to be happy. Clare did want her mother to be happy, but everything was changing so fast. And now she lost the only person who brought happiness into her life.

Standing around groups of smiling, carefree students, Clare knew she needed to leave. She fought her was through the tight crowd, faintly hearing some noise over the loud music playing. Looking over near the exit, she could see Drew Torres arguing with someone n a dark hoodie. She saw Bianca and Katie move closer to the older Torres, and Adam and Eli also draw closer.

More and more heads turned towards the door as Drew took the verbal fight to a physical one. The intruder was forced to the ground, and Clare heard him say as she came closer to them, to leave. Drew turned his back, and then everything seem to happen in slow motion.

A gun was pulled out. People screamed, running in all directions,trying to be out of harms way. Two shots were fired. And then there was silence.

Clare was then hyper- aware of the hot white pain shooting from her upper abdomen. A cold sweat broke over her as her shaky fingers ghosted over the area, coming back red. Red with her blood. A sharp cry left her and her knees buckled, and she felt someone catch her. Eli? Drew?

She could hear a mixture of voices all speaking to each other, and to her. She tried to answer, but she couldn't speak. Laying down, she could see Eli looking at her, his mouth moving, but his voice seeming far away. Adam was off to the other side of her, squeezing her hand as Drew was calling 911 while Katie applied pressure to her wound.

Clare was tired, so tired. The world seemed to be fading as her eyes drooped shut, then opened again. "Clare," She heard someone say urgently, although they seemed miles away. "You need to stay awake. You're going to be okay- just don't close your eyes." She wanted to, she really wanted to. But a darkness edged its way around her, and all she saw was black.

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><p>Clare was rushed into the emergency room, with Eli trailing right behind her. Just as she was being pushed through the doors of the emergency room doors, Eli felt himself pulled back. "I'm sorry son," The EMT said gripping his shoulder. "You can't go in here- you have to stay in the waiting room."<p>

Eli starred at him, the anxious feeling taking over. How could he not go with Clare? How would he know if she'd be okay, or if he'd ever see her again? "No..no..." Eli said shaking his head as many thoughts clouded his brain. "I-I have to stay with her- I have to be there for her! _please!_" He began to beg.

The EMT just shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid we can't do that. What is important now is to get your girlfriend the help she needs- we'll keep you informed."

The room seemed to start spinning for Eli that he didn't bother to respond. Breathing to get harder and hard and the dark haired boy nearly collapsed until Adam came up behind him and lead him to a seat. Adam softly rubbed circles in Eli's back to erase the tension and slowly return his breathing back to normal. "It will be okay." Adam said soothingly despite the fact that his own worry was beginning to eat him up. "Clare will be alright. She's a fighter. She'll be okay."

There was a commution as a door swung open and Helen Edwards marched through the waiting room with Glen and Jake right behind her. "Ah, Eli," She said, catching sight of him, worry lining her face. "What happened? I've just gotten this awful call..." Eli opened his mouth, but he couldn't make any sound come out of it. Helen then turned to Adam, who was able to say quietly. "Someone brought a gun to prom. He shot it and I guess... Clare was the one who got shot."

Helen burst into tears at the news of her daughter, and Glen tried to sooth his fiance, leading her away from the two distraught boys. Jake stayed standing before them, his usually cheerful face in a permanent frown. "D-do you guys know how she is?" He asked hesitantly, as if afraid of the answer.

Adam shrugged. "We haven't heard anything."

Jake blinked away tears, and began to move towards where his father and Helen were, when Eli spoke to him, in such a low tone he nearly missed it. "Where were you."

"What?"

"You heard me." Eli said again, his voice rough. "Where were you when all this happened? You're Clare's boyfriend, you should have been there with her- to protect her-"

"Eli!" Adam interrupted, looking between a devastated Jake and to his best friend who had a vindictive look sketched on his face.

Jake shook his head, opening his mouth, then closing it as he ran a hand through his hair. Unable to come up with anything to say on his actions, he shuffled back to where Glen and Helen were, speaking to Randell as his came into the hospital.

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><p>It seemed hours had pasted since Helen had heard anything about her daughter- she was getting anxious. She had informed Darcy, who was getting back home as soon as possible, but Glen words of comfort could not sooth her. Glancing around the room, to Clare's friends, and others in the crowded waiting room, she finally saw a female doctor step out of the emergency ward. Shrugging Glen's arm off of her, Helen walked over with purpose to the doctor, wanting answers. "Excuse me," She said coming up to the woman. "M-my daughter, Clare Edwards was brought in hours ago, with a bullet wound and we haven't heard anything yet..."<p>

"Oh, are you the parent of Clare Edwards?" She asked, a frown on her face.

"Yes, yes." Helen said impatiently. "So how is my daughter? Is she okay? Can I see her?"

The doctor shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, we couldn't repair the damage. She didn't make it.

All that could be heard was Helen Edwards scream.

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><p>Eli and Adam snapped there heads up at a bloodcurdling scream coming from down the hall. Both made it on to there feet, rushing down to the scene before them. Randell Edwards was down on the floor, his body shaking with sobs, and Helen was wrapped in Glen's arms, her muffled screams still being heard. Jake was standing off to the side, his face completely blank, as if unaware what had just taken place.<p>

Cautiously, Adam approached Jake, while Eli hung behind him wringing his hands together nervously. "Jake," Adam said carefully. "Clare... she-she's okay, right?" A sob escaped Adam's throat. "She's okay. right? Please tell me she's okay-"

Tear began cascading down Jake's face as he shook his head. Adam's face crumbled up as he covered it with his hands, letting his own tears run freely. Eli's heart began pounding, so that he could hear it in his ears, if breathing becoming shallow. Clare couldn't be gone. There wasn't anyway. He couldn't loose her. He couldn't.

Shoe's hitting the floor were heard as Drew and Katie ran up behind them. "Hey, Adam, is-" Drew was interrupted as his brother through himself into his arms, wracked with sobs. Eli hit the floor hard, leaning against the wall with his head between his knees, trying to stop the room from spinning.

But it was no use. Clare Edwards was gone. And she wasn't coming back.

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><p><strong>AN: So... how was it? Basically, I'll now be posting little drabbles of characters close to Clare and how they are dealing with her death... or not dealing :) If you have any characters you'd like to see, leave them in a review :) thanks for reading! **


	2. Darcy

**A/N: Wow! Thanks so much for the reviews and story alerts/favorites! I'm really self- cautious about my writing, and with all such sweet reviews, it made me feel really good! :3 The first drabble shall be Darcy, obviously. Hope you enjoy~**

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><p>When Darcy imagined her homecoming, she pictured it to be liberating. Arriving home after three years to be greeted warmly by her family. She imagined being welcomed into her mother's opened arms, surrounded by her love. Being asked question after question from her father, asking what Africa was like and the tasks she did there. Darcy envisioned being pulled upstairs by Clare, to gossip and talk about boys.<p>

Never in the three years she was gone for, did Darcy ever expect to return for her baby sister's funeral.

It was awkward, being home after such a long time away. When Darcy first left, behind her was a happy, perfect family. When she returns, however, she find that had all turned out to be one be facade. Not only did her parents divorce- something frowned upon by their religion- but he committed infidelity. Never in a million years Darcy ever would of thought her father was capable of such a crime. Not only was the divorce to deal with, but her mom's new life; being newly engaged to Glen Martin. It was strange seeing a man Darcy had known and met countless summers when her family vacationed at their cottage. It was even stranger seeing his son around too. The hardest part of dealing with all the things she left behind was she had no one to lean on to. Throughout her life, Clare was always their for her. When she was stalked by Adams, when Spinner broke up with her, during her dark period after she was raped. Clare had been her rock through everything, and now, Darcy realized, she had no one.

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><p>The Funeral happened on a Sunday. It was a very nice service, hosted by the church the Edwards use to attend. Darcy had come with her father, holding on tightly to his hand, as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded. Many familiar faces came up to them, offering them condolences, and polite greetings. Darcy just offered a fake smile and moved along. She had nothing to say to them.<p>

She spotted Sav Bhandari make is way up to her, his arm supporting his younger sister, who's eyes were already bloodshot with tears. Darcy remembered how close her sister was to Alli. "Hey Darcy," Sav greeted her, giving her a small smile. "How are you... holding up?"

"Okay." She lied, not wanting to share any of her feelings. "Thank you both for coming."

Sav nodded, and Alli stepped forward, wiping her nose. "C-Clare," She began, trying to hold back the tearts threatening to fall. "_Is_ my best friend... she supported me through every crisis in my life... I own her so much... she's always be important to me." Alli burst into tears at the end of her sentence, but Darcy waved Sav off as he stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around Alli in a tight hug. "I know," Darcy said, feeling herself break down as well. "Clare was there for me for so much... but we need to be strong... and hold onto our memories now..."

Alli broke the hug and gave Darcy a watery smile, as her and Sav went to be seated. Helen came up behind her, giving her daughter a hug. "Are you ready to go in?" She asked in a horse whisper, her voice strained from crying. Darcy nodded, allowing Jake and his father to go in before her. Darcy was just about to enter the room, when she stopped when her mom greeted a boy, surprise in her voice.

"Eli?" Helen said, looking at a boy with dark hair, and a sombre look. He glanced up at her, offering a sad smile. "I- I'm glad you could make it," Helen said, still looking shocked. The boy nodded and moved past him. Darcy couldn't help but notice the boy shaking as he marched past her. "Well," Helen said, brushing a few tears from her face. "Its time."

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><p>The service went by smoothly. Their priest began, starting with Clare's life, bringing up highlights and memories that pleased everyone there. The choir came out and sung Amazing Grace, which brought nearly everyone to tears. People started heading up to speak. Both of Darcy's parents went up, sharing memories of their youngest daughter. A few of Clare's friends took the stand, including Alli Bhandari, who gave her speech quite tearfully. Even Mr. Simpson came up, which caused Darcy to slide down in her seat. Soon enough, it was her turn.<p>

Slowly, she stepped up onto the stage, facing the crowd of people before her. Darcy coughed as she reached the microphone, clearing her throat. "It was always said that God makes no mistake," Darcy began, her fists clenched tightly on the podium. "That everything happens for a reason; it is all apart of a plan. But not this," She insisted, her voice sharp. "Clare dying by getting shot at a school dance, that never should have happened, not to her." Darcy saw her parents, looking a her questionably. "Clare was always a good kid. She saw the good in everyone, even if they had problems or did bad things. She was my rock. When my life was crumbling, and I lost people, I knew I could count on my sister; She would always be there for me, through the thick and thin." He suppressed a sob as she continued. "But now, she's gone, and i_ts not fair!_" Darcy then shouted. "Its not fair at all-" Randell had come up, pulling Darcy's arm and away as she burst into a bout of hysterical sobs. He tried his best to pull her into a hug and to comfort his daughter, but Darcy pushed him away and escaped to the washroom.

Locking herself in, Darcy slide down the door and buried her head into her hands, continuing to cry. Because her sister would never finish school. She would never get married, or have kids. She wouldn't live anymore. Darcy needed her, more than Clare ever knew, and it killed Darcy that she left Clare at a time in her life when she probably needed her.

"Darcy?" She heard her voice being called from the other side of the door. "Are you alright?" Slowly, Darcy stood up, unlocked the door and peaked through. Shock ran through her system as she spotted none other than Peter Stone starring back at her. She moved the door all the way open and hugged herself with her arms. "I-I didn't know you were here..." She said softly, looking at the ground.

"You couldn't keep me away," Peter replied. "Are you okay? I saw you run off..."

Darcy shrugged. "Its just too hard." She admitted, looking up at him.

Hesitantly, Peter moved forward and placed a comforting arm on her shoulder. "I-I know I have no idea what you're feeling Darcy... but I knew Clare, and she was an amazing kid, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'll be here."

Darcy felt herself smile for real this time. "Thank Peter, that means a lot."

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><p>Weeks after the funeral, it was still hard. Randell barricaded himself in the condo, Darcy had tried spending some time with him, now that she was home, but he choice to busy himself with work instead of facing reality. Helen was similar; She became very depressed, barely leaving her room, not even trying to go to work. Glen had taken it as his responsibly to attend to his fiancee, and Darcy let him, having her own grief to deal with.<p>

On her way upstairs, she passed Jake rushing down them, keys in his had. He had been very quiet ever since she returned, barely saying a word to her, or to anyone really. Jake was always leaving for drives, leaving early in the morning, and returning late at night. No one really noticed, however. Much was going on.

Taking in a deep breath, Darcy finally did what she had been egging herself to do. She pushed open the door to Clare's room and stepped in. It was still similar to how Darcy remembered it, with a few changes. Clare still had a vast bookshelf, and awards were covering her dresser. Dacry smiled as she looked at a wall full of picture frames. Their were a few from when she was younger, and some newer ones, with Alli, or with the shaky guy Darcy recalled from the funeral. There was even one with her and Jake.

Sitting on the bed, Darcy felt unshed tears prickle her eyes; Clare's scent still haunted the room. She laid down on the mattress, letting Clare's scent overcome her as she turned over. Once on her side, she spotted something that made her heart leap out of her chest. A photo of Clare and herself right on her bedside table. Darcy picked it up gingerly, caressing their smiling faces through the glass, tears streaming down her face.

_"I miss you baby sis,"_ She whispered to the frame, hoping wherever Clare was, she could hear her.

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><p><strong>AN: How was that? Please review and leave any suggestions for improvement, and any other characters you'd like to see in the story. Also, if you'd like to contact me, I do have a tumblr (nosetlikeamovieset) which I'm on often c: Thanks for reading! **


	3. Connor

**A/N: Sorry for the painfully long wait for an update! I've been pretty busy lately with school, plus I have writers block with this chapter. I don't know if I displayed Connor's reactions right, I just went off what my mom told me and my friend, because her brother has autisim like Connor. Enjoy~**

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><p>Archie Simpson sat huddled over his kitchen table, his head resting in his palm. He could hardly believe it. Not only was a gun fired at the prom, but a student was killed due to being hit. That student was no other than Clare Edwards. Archie had known Clare quite personally. She was an exceptionally gifted student, a hard worker, a wonderful friend to his god son, Connor. Despite her recent behaviors, such that took place at Vegas Night, he always looked at her like the bright girl she was, knowing that she would go places.<p>

It seemed like that was no longer possible.

Archie looked up as his wife place a hot cup of tea in front of him. "Thanks," he murmured, taking a large gulp of the hot beverage, sighing after it burned its way down his throat. The tea helped his forming headache, but it couldn't take away want needed to be done. Clare was a well-liked and known student at Degrassi, her death would affect many students in the school, and precautions needed to be taken; perhaps in school counselling offered? Christine interrupted his thoughts as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

Archie turned around to look to if wife, who was nervously looking at the basement door, chewing on her lip. "Have you told Connor yet?" She whispered to her husband. He shook his head sadly. 'No… I don't know how to break it to him…"

"Archie…" Christine said reproachfully. "You need to tell him; we don't want him finding out from someone else…" Archie nodded his head in agreement, and stood up, heading towards the basement.

The stairs creaked as Simpson made his way down him, spotting Connor sitting at his desk, typing up something on the computer. "Connor," He called, getting the boy's attention as he turned around his chair to face them. "Hello," Connor greeted with a smile, adjusting his glasses. "Did you need me for something?"

Archie walked closer to Connor and pulled up a chair to sit beside him. "Yes, well…" He began awkwardly, then looked at the computer screen. "What's that you're working on?"

"It's the lab Clare and I are doing for biology." Connor replied offhandedly. "We split the questions, so I'm just waiting for her to email me her part, and then it'll be done." Archie sighed sadly, putting his face in his hands again. Connor was able to sense something was off. "Is something wrong?" He asked. "You look upset."

Archie decided to bite the bullet and tell him. "Connor, Clare won't be emailing you."

"What do you mean?" questioned Connor, his eyebrows furrowing. "Did her internet crash or something?"

"No…no Connor…"Simpson said. "Clare…Clare isn't with us anymore… she passed away tonight."

Connor's eyes widened. "What?"

"There was a shooting at the prom tonight," Archie informed him with a grave expression. "Clare was there and she got hit… she was rushed to hospital…. But the damage was too severe. I'm sorry, Connor."

Connor seemed not to be listening. He was shaking his head, his hands shaking and he pulled on his hair. "N-no." He stuttered, standing up and knocking over his chair, pacing almost manically. "You-" he pointed at Simpson with wide eyes. "You're LYING TO ME!" His voiced was raised as he paced back and forth more, shaking all over.

"Connor-" Archie said, trying to place a hand on his godson's shoulder to calm him, but Connor shrugged it off. "You need to calm down… just-just sit down, take a deep breath-"

"No!" Connor interrupted, shouting. "No! I need- I need… I need for finish the lab- Clare and I- we are partners- we need to finish it… its due tomorrow!" Connor's head shook widely as he tried to get back to the computer; only to he stopped by Simpson, who wrapped his arms around the boy. "Connor… Connor calm down!"

Connor tried to fight Archie off, pleading the man to let him finish his assignment, that Clare was counting on him to put it together. Simpson held his ground and was able to get Connor to sit on his bed. "Listen, Connor." He told him, kneeling down so he was at the boy's level. "Clare is gone. She isn't coming back. I know this is hard for you to accept, but you have to." Connor merely sniffled, but had stopped moving. "I know this is a big change, and will probably hurt for a long time, but you need to know."

Simpson stood up ask Connor curled up in his bed, turning his back on him. He decided it would be best to let the boy mourn in private, knowing that tomorrow would be a hard day for everyone.

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><p>It seemed as though a dark cloud had been casted over Degrassi when students returned after her death. The school had tried to remain to run as normally as possible, keeping classes running, Ms. Souve's office open to anyone who needed it. However, nothing could hide Clare Edwards empty desk standing in the corner of the classroom; An eerie reminder of what had happened to her.<p>

Wesley Betenkamp stood at his locker, shoving books into his backpack when Dave leaned against the neighbor. "Hey," The boy said, feeling a bit odd talking to a friend he really hadn't spoken to in months.

"Hey Dave," Wesley greeted, his usually perkiness gone.

"How you holding up?" Dave asked, not even having to say why. "I just spoke to Drew… and Adam's a mess. He hasn't been to school in a few days." Wesley nodded grimly. "I'm doing okay." He said. Clare's death had come as a shock to him; What were the odds that innocent Clare Edwards would be shot at a school saction event? It was hard to accept at first, Wesley always liked Clare. She was his first kiss, and although he did not handle her rejecting him well, he got over it. Clare was always kind to him, although he saw her as being higher up on the high school popularity chain. She always said hi to him in the hallway, and would occasionally be his partner in chemistry. Despite everything, Clare was always kind to him, and Wesley knew it was going to take time for him to be able to walk down the hallway without hearing Clare say, "Hey Wesley!"

Dave poked the ground with his shoe, tugging his backpack higher onto his shoulder. "So… how's Connor doing?"

Wesley shrugged. "It really depends." He explained. "Sometimes I think he's doing okay… but he still really doesn't like change. He almost had a panic attack at Clare's parents coming here to clean out her locker. Simpson's doing his best to look out for him though."

Dave nodded. "Well, I better get to class, see you around." Dave turned and left, and Connor arrived at Wesley's locker, a smile on his face. "Ready for biology?" He asked. "I have my lab completed, I think it's the best work that I've done. "

"That's great," Wesley commented as they, walked together into the science lab. "Yes, Clare's input really helped," Connor said, not noticing Wesley starring at him, mouth agape. "I wonder what lab we'll be doing today."

Wesley shook his head, not wanting to deal with Connor at the moment, and sat beside Hannah. His girlfriend placed her hand over his as a comforting gesture, knowing the day hadn't been easy for him. Mr. Betenkamp stood up at his desk, looking down at a sheet of paper. "Okay, ladies and gentleman," He addressed the class. "We are doing a lab todays, so I hope all of you are prepared and wearing the proper clothing." He glanced at Hannah, who quickly tied her hair into a ponytail. "Alright," He continued. "I just need to make a few adjustments to the lab partners. Liam, since Heather is out with mono, you can be Connor's partner for this lab since…." There was a silence. "Well, you all know."

Students began shuffling around papers, preparing for the lab and Liam collected his things, moving to sit at the empty seat beside Connor. "Hey man, ready to get this over with?" Liam asked Connor with a smile, slumping down on the stood. Connor turned his head around slowly, starring at the boy. "W-what are you doing?" Connor said, seeming confused.

Liam arched an eyebrow. "Uh, didn't you hear Mr. Betenkamp? We're lab partners."

Connor's head began to shake wildly. "No! No! Clare is my lab partner- not you!"

Liam frown and placed a hand on Connor's shoulder, attemping to comfort him. "I know she was before… but she's gone… so we're going to have to work together, okay"

Range bottled deep inside Connor, and exploded. With strength he didn't know he possessed he shoved Liam hard, causing he to fly off his seat, hitting his head on the desk beside theirs. "YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST TAKE HER PLACE?" Connor yelled, not noticing the whole class starring at him. Wesley came rushing over to him. "Connor calm-"

"NO!" He yelled. "THAT IS CLARE'S SEAT! IT'S _HER'S_! HE CAN'T TAKE IT! HE CAN'T!"

Mr. Simpson came into the room, his stomach dropping at the scene, with Liam cradling his head, many people surrounding him, and with Connor screaming at his poor friend Wesley, papers flying everywhere.

"Connor, Connor-" Simpson said, grabbing the boy's shoulders firmly, looking him in the eyes. "Deep breaths, son. No one is going to take Clare's seat, alright." Connor started to nod, trying his best to breath normally. Archie wrapped an arm around the boy and stirred him out of the classroom; it was obvious something needed to be done for the suffering boy.

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><p>Connor writhed his hands as he waited in Simpson's office. It had been about an hour since his meltdown in biology and he was feeling a bit better, but Simpson insisted he waiting in here; they needed to talk. "Connor," Simpson said, finally returning, and with Ms. Souve.<p>

"What's going on?"

Archie sat beside him, patting the boy on the shoulder. "I'm worried about you." Simpson admitted. "You're friends and teachers are too."

"I… I can get better." Connor said. "I just didn't want Liam taking Clare's desk, it's _hers_!"

"I know you don't like change, Connor," Ms. Souve addressed. "But Clare is no longer with us, and we do need to move on. I know it is hard, especially for you, so that's why Mr. Simpson and I have come up with a helpful solution for you."

"Are you sending me away again?" Connor deadpanned.

"No," Archie said. "No, look, I already went over this with Darcy, and as a school, we would like to hold a memorial service for Clare." Connor looked up. "I know its been hard with you being back at school and having to adjust to the changes, so what we have come up with is to give you a little break and you will be helping Darcy put together a memorial video. I thought it might help you get closure, Connor."

Connor smiled. "Okay." He knew it would be hard to be completely over Clare's death; she had been a huge part of his life. Clare was the first friend he ever had. She stuck by him even if everyone else had thought he was too weird, and she even went to great lengths to ensure he won't get expelled. As hard it was to let her go, he knew that he could keep her memory with her, and hopefully, she was in a better place now.

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><p><strong>AN 2: Hopefully you liked this! I hope to have the next chapter up quickly! Oh, and if anyone is interested, you can check out my other ongoing story, 'I've Lost Who I Am' I am planning out where I am going with it right now, and I'm excited to get writing! :) & if anyone has any oneshot/story suggestions for me, feel free to PM me. I am really up to writing almost anything, for almost any pairing/character.**

**Follow me on twitter if you want, since I deleted my tumblr : ToriHill29 maybe if anyone asks nicely I'll give a sneak peek to the next chapter ;) **

**Review please?**


	4. Jenna

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. I got really sick for a few weeks, and since my second semester at school has started I've been even more busy since I am now taking five courses instead of four because I need to graduate. I really hate how this chapter turned out, but I tried! It's long too, so enjoy :)**

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><p>There was a buzz echoing within the large room as students, teachers and many other members of the community filed into the Degrassi gymnasium about two weeks after Clare Edwards' funeral. Shoes scuffling and chairs scrapping the floor were heard, but all but stopped when Mr. Simpson approached the stage. "If everyone will take their seats, we will begin momentarily." He announced into the microphone as last-minute stragglers crept into empty seats the back. "Welcome," Simpson then began when everyone had taken a seat, "to the Clare Edwards memorial."<p>

He glanced around at the crowd, from Clare's family, to friends such as Alli and Adam, to people from the community such as her pastor at church. "Now, I know many of you are hurting now, at this terrible event that has taken place…" He paused, allowing Alli to let a choked out sob, clinging to her brother for support, and for Adam to grip Eli's shoulder. "However, this is not a place to mourn, but to celebrate the life Clare has lived, and how she touched every life inside this room. To start, Jenna Middleton and Sav Bhandari are going to preform 'Amazing Grace' along with Clare's church choir."

Jenna Middleton looked up at Sav who nodded at her, giving a small smile. Both gave Alli's hands a final squeeze before they walked up onto the stage, in front of where the choir was stationed. Jenna adjusted her guitar strap and took in a breath of air as her and Sav blended their voices together with the choir.

"_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,_

_That saved a wretch like me._

_I once was lost but now am found,_

_Was blind, but now I see."_

The finished the song on a quavering note, Jenna trying to blink away the tears threatening to fall down her face. The crowd clapped in applause, and Jenna Sav and the choir made their way off the stage as Simpson retook his position back in front of the microphone. "Next we have a… slideshow that was put together by Darcy Edwards and Connor Deslauriers, with contributions from Clare's friends and family."

The lights flickered off as the audience turned their attention to the large projection screen. The first scene was a close up of a young Darcy Edwards holding Clare as a baby. "Who's that Darcy?" A women's voice sounded from behind the camera, presumably Helen_. "This is the baby,"_ Darcy said, giving the camera a toothy grin_. "She is kind of smelly and cries a lot but daddy says she's grow out of that." _ The clip ended and slides of Clare flashed by; her as a curly haired toddler, giggling with her father, her and Darcy covered in flour while baking with Helen, Clare and Darcy performing in the Sunday school pageant. Clips of Darcy and Clare in dance recitals and during family holidays flashed by, causing sobs to be heard in the crowd.

School pictures of Clare pasted by, from the short bob she had as a child, to her pin-straight hair in a ponytail, flashing to her long wavy hair, wearing a small trace of makeup, and ending at her most recent photo; her hair short and curly, and coy smile on her lips. A video began, hearing Alli's voice behind the camera as she crept into Clare's room. _"Here we have Clare Edwards, who is spending her Friday night writing in her secret diary rather than hanging out with me,"_ Alli said in a mockingly as Clare laughed and stuck her tongue out. Alli snickered and grabbed her journal, causing an assortment of squeals and giggles as Clare shouted at Alli to give it back, while the camera fell out of Alli's grip onto the floor, where their laughter could still be heard. More photos flashed by of Clare and Alli together, some with Clare and Connor and a photo of KC, Clare, Alli and Connor at the Robot Battle competition from freshman year. KC smiled softy in the crowd, locking eyes with Connor for a brief moment, overcome by memories.

Clips rolled, and the screen filled up with the brightness of outside, Adam's voice being clearly identified from behind the camera, as it focused on Eli and Clare who had books spread around them. _"And here we have the lovebirds," _Adam's teasing voice said while Eli smirked at the camera and Clare blushed. _"They want you to think they are doing homework, but it is all a ploy, folks. These kids can't keep their hands off of each other, do you know how much I suffer everyday-hey!" _A stick was thrown at Adam by Clare, a playful look on her face. _"Shut up, we aren't that bad."_ With a smirk still on his lips, Eli leaned closer to Clare saying, _"If we were really bad, we'd be doing this,"_ He made a show of kissing Clare, slowly guiding her to lay back on the ground as he planted sloppy kisses along her neck as she giggled_. "Eli, stop!"_ Adam merely groaned in the background, saying something along the lines of, _"You two need to name your first born after me, with all the emotional trauma you put me through." _

The last section of pictures flashed, and the presentation came to a close. The crowd clapped, some out of being polite, some out of sympathy, and majority clapped out of remembrance of Clare Edwards.

…

Jenna stood with Sav and Alli after the memorial service was over, listening as Alli gently congratulated them on their performance. "It was beautiful," She said. "I think Clare really would have enjoyed it." A silence cast over just as Darcy made a beeline towards them. She smiled and looked at Sav and Jenna, "Sav, I just want to thank you so much for preforming. It was beautiful." Darcy then turned to Alli. "Thanks so much for the pictures you sent me. I was having trouble since I was out of Clare's life for so long… I really appreciate it."

Alli shrugged while pushing her hair behind her ear. "It was no problem," She muttered, her voice soft. "I wanted to help." Darcy smiled and squeezed Alli's shoulder reassuringly and spotted Jenna beside Sav. "Oh, great job on the performance as well," said Darcy. "I'm glad you could do it, Alli said you were a friend of Clare's as well."

Jenna bit her lip, knowing that her and Clare being friends was a stretch. "We kind of were," she mumbled, hoping Darcy wouldn't hear her. "Clare was friends with everyone," Darcy said admirably. "What's your name, I'm sure she's spoken about you before." Shifting from one foot to the other, Jenna shyly introduced herself. "I'm… Jenna Middleton."

"Aren't you the girl who st-"Darcy began, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion before she stopped. "Oh, well, I better get going…. Thanks again for the help."

Jenna frowned, feeling tears build up in her eyes threatening to fall. Here she was surrounded by Clare's close friends and family and as much as she wanted to feel included, she couldn't. She threw Clare under a bus and walked all over for her- just because she had feelings for her boyfriend. Chances had come and gone, and now it was too late. Jenna would always be the backstabbing bitch who came and hurt Clare when all the girl did was try and be her friend, and now that was all she'd ever be.

"Sav, can you take me home now?" Alli asked her brother; oblivious to the hurt Jenna was feeling. Sav nodded and pulled his keys from his pocket while wrapping an arm around his sister. "Jenna, are you coming?" He questioned, noticing Jenna had stayed rooted to the spot.

Shaking her head, Jenna replied. "Uhm, no. I think I'll say for a bit. I'll see you guys later."

…

Jenna was walking aimlessly through the halls after the memorial, knowing she should be heading home but somehow couldn't find the motivation to do so. She came to an abrupt halt when she reached the Music room, and slipped inside. Jenna felt more at ease; music had that effect on her. She carefully pulled her guitar out of its case, strumming the strings. Jenna sighed, remembering her first week at Degrassi when she had spent an hour trying to help Clare play guitar. Clare ending up not being able to get the hang of it, but she did try.

Jenna sniffled, remembering Clare inviting her over without hesitation, offering friendship to her immediately. Jenna had always had trouble keeping friends, especially at middle school and the beginning of the freshman year because her friends and the other girls would get jealous of all the attention boys gave her, or how Jenna seemed to 'steal' their men. Jenna often felt judged and a bit of an outsider, and it was a relief when Clare opened her arms on the first day; she had constantly worried about making friends and how the girls at Degrassi would treat her. Of course, Jenna ended up doing the same thing to Clare. Yes, she loved KC, but it wouldn't have killed her to wait a few weeks before going out with him, and now she'll never have the chance to apologize for anything.

"Jenna?" A voice called from outside the room. Jenna snapped her head up, seeing Ms. Souve entering. "Are you alright?" Jenna wanted to say she was fine. She wanted to say she was okay. She wanted nothing more than to live the school and crawl into her bed. She wanted nothing more than to call Kyle, and let him sooth her. But she couldn't handle bottling up her emotions.

Jenna bust out into a serious of hard sobs, unable to stop. Ms. Souve brought the crying girl into her arms, trying to sooth her while rubbing her back in circular motions, letting Jenna cry. She cried for Clare, and for Alli. She cried for herself, and for the baby she gave up. She cried for her brother moving away and leaving her. She just cried, until she couldn't anymore.

"I don't know what to do anymore…" Jenna said in a whisper, wiping her face. Ms. Souve gave her a sympathetic look. "It will get better; you just need time."

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><p><strong>AN:** **So, decent? Review please :) Also, if you want to talk to me or anything, I do have a twitter and I made a new tumblr :) Twitter: ToriHill29 Tumblr: allfor-secondchances**


	5. Fitz

**a/n; Sorry this took so long to get up. I've been so busy with my English work this semester. I kind of went a different route with this than I planned, so sorry if it isn't quite up to par, or what you're expecting. I will hopefully try and get the next chapter up this week, since I'm really excited to write it, if not, don't expect another update until after April 16. I am going on a school trip to Europe from the 6-16th, so I'll be busy then. Enjoy~**

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><p>The bell resting up on the door to the dot chimed as Owen and Bianca strutted through its entrance. The small café was nearly empty as it wasn't close to lunch as most students were at school. The two made their way into the back of the dinner, both ordering coffees to the waiter who passed by. "Man, this really picks up the mood after that depression fest today," Owen comment while taking a large sip of his coffee. Bianca scowled at him. "It was a memorial service, idiot, show some respect."<p>

Shaking her head at Owen's lack of tact, Bianca let her eyes wander around the room, hearing the small mummers of conversations and the clanking of cups and dishes. Her eyes widened when she spotted a face she hadn't seen in months; Fitz.

"Fitz, my man!" Owen greeted before Bianca could open her mouth. Fitz turned his head away from the dishes he was clearing from a table adjacent to them and cracked a grin. "Where have you been, man? It's like you've walked off the face of the earth or something!"

"I've just been working, you know," Fitz said nonchalantly. "It keeps me busy."

"You do this every day?" Bianca asked, entering into the conversation. "Props to you, I had to work a few days at Drew's dad's law firm as my plead bargain and it was killer; I don't get how people can do that every day."

"Well, I can't go to school like you guys, so I have to make a living somehow." Fitz shrugged. "So, how's life at Degrassi been anyway?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"There was a shooting at prom!" Owen blurted out. "Some thug guy came in after Bee here," He gestured to her while she glared at him. "And Drew and him fought. He ended up having a gun and fired- he hit-"

Bianca coughed loudly. "Can we not talk about this? I really don't like bringing up the memories.."

"Chill, Bee, I'm just telling him what happened. Besides he needs to know about-"

"Owen," Bianca hissed, looking at Fitz out of the corner of her eye. Ever since the conversation started, she had become a bit weary of Fitz find out what had happened to Clare Edwards. She had spent enough time with him during his days at Degrassi, and enough nights drunk at the ravine to know he had it bad for Edwards. His drunken self droned on and on about her to the point she wanted to throw up. Some nights she did, but that was usually due to the alcohol.

"What do I need to know about?" Fitz asked, his eyebrow raised.

Biting her lip, Bianca decided he needed to be informed; better from them than some other kids who didn't know what they were talking about. "Clare Edwards was the one who got shot." She finally answered, avoiding Fitz's eyes. "She didn't make it?"

Fitz dropped the mug he was clearing off a table, letting it fall to the ground where shards of its remains flew everywhere. "What?"

"The school just had a memorial service today," Owen said softly, now realizing that Fitz was not going to take this well.

"I can't…" Fitz muttered, his eyes unfocused in shock and confusion.

"Woah, what happened?" Peter came rushing over, looking at the broken mug and Fitz's pale face. "Hey, Mark," He addressed, gently placing his hand upon the boy's shoulder. "Are you alright? You don't look so good…"

"I need to go." He said quickly, throwing off his apron and running his fingers through his hair to calm him down. "I don't feel good."

"Okay," Peter said, looking at him worriedly as Fitz stalked out of the Dot, both Owen and Bianca sharing apprehensive looks.

…

"Fuck…" Fitz mumbled under his breath hours later, pacing around his tiny room. His hands were shaking and his stomach had coiled into tight knots. Dizzy and weak, he laid down on his small, unmade bed bringing his knees up to his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push out the unnerving thoughts swirling through his brain. He could believe Clare was gone; She would no longer show up to the Dot with her friend who used to date Johnny DiMarco. She wouldn't be walking down the street to go to school, or the library. Clare was what Fitz wanted to be; He wanted to be someone good, to have a future despite what everyone thought of him. Clare had promise- she was going places. And now she couldn't.

Burying in face in his pillow, Fitz cried for what it seemed like the first time in years. He never cried this hard when his favorite pet fish died, when his father, drunk, smacking him in the face for failing math, he didn't cry when he heard his parents fighting for hours on end, or they split up, and his new stepfather and brother came into his life. He didn't cry this hard when he was alone and locked up in juvie, or when Steve decided to take out his anger on him. He thought believing in God helped you. When you do good things, and turn your life around, you'll be okay. It didn't matter if he had is brother beating on him every night, or had absentee parents, as long as he had something to look up to, he'd be okay in the end.

But Clare had believed. She always had, and now where was she? Dead. In heaven for all he knew. Is that what this all came to? It didn't matter what you did, if you were good- so good- saint like, like Clare, you were still a goner, and if you were bad, rotten to the core, bad, like Fitz, you were fucked anyway.

During his change, Fitz had sworn off illegal substances he used to live off of, alcohol, weed… but now, why did it even matter? If God could take someone like Clare off the earth, than what hope was there for him? He was just some lowlife, who was expelled from high school; his future career wouldn't get any better than waitressing at any restaurant. His parents didn't give a shit about him, and Steve couldn't care less if he was dead or alive.

What was the point?

Grabbing his jacket and roughly shoving his arms in it, Fitz stormed out of his room, out of the apartment, making his way down the familiar route he always use to travel; The ravine.

Everything seemed like it always was. Local teenagers spread about the place, a large cluster sipping their beers around the fire. A boy pulling a giggling girl into the van stuck there. Couples making out under trees. It was sad that this felt more like home to him than the apartment where he once was. "Hey, Fitz, man, is that you?" A guy shouted, looking at Fitz in surprise, a cigarette dangling from his lips. "Well, I'll be damned; I thought you were a bible thumper now."

Fitz scoffed, not wanted to be associated with the lies, the hope, and the thoughts of Clare Edwards. "Rumors, my man. " He said. "Can I bum a cigarette off you? "

"You owe me," The guy merely shrugged, offering one to Fitz and handing him over a lighter.

…

It was like everything had turned into a blur. He wasn't sure how much he had drank, how much he had smoke, or even how many girls he had sloppily kissed, but he felt great. His mind couldn't keep clear thoughts together, and he was happy this way. No thinking . Just living.

"Fitz?" A startled voice sounded from behind him, although it seemed like miles away.

He turned around, spotting the alarmed face of Bianca. "Bee!" He cried happily, stumbling over towards her and slugging his arm around her shoulders. "Where've you been? Your missin' the party!" He words came out sloppy and disconnected. "How much have you drank, Fitz?" Bianca asked, guiding him over to a clear spot under a tree.

"I don't know…" He mumbled, lying down.

"Fitz, you should go home. You're better than this."

"No!" He suddenly shouted, sitting up. "I'm not! Everything is just one big LIE! I thought if I changed, that everything would be better- I'd have a change. But she's GONE, Bianca, She's gone! She was taken away and she was actually good!" He cried into his hands as Bianca surprisingly rubbed circles in his back in a comforting gesture. "She's gone."

"I know," She whispered, leaning closer to him. "But that doesn't mean you should give up. You are good Fitz, I know you are; sometimes shit happens, and it's up to us how we overcome it. " Bianca pulled him up and hesitantly pulled him into a hug.

Fitz winced and pushed her away. "What's wrong?" She questioned. He didn't know if it was from the amount of alcohol he consumed or just the fact he couldn't keep this a secret anymore, because out slipped. "Steve's been hitting me. Badly. "

Bianca gasped. "What?"

"He hates, me, he always did, but since my mom can't bother to be around me anymore, it's just me and him usually. Working keeps me out of his way sometimes, but if he's mad… he takes it out on me." Cautiously, his lifted up the hem of his shirt, revealing a bluish black bruise.

"Fitz, you need to tell someone," Bianca basically begged. "You can't let him keep doing this to you."

"I can't." He replied. "Steve is all I have okay? I don't have enough money to live on my own… I just got to deal with it, okay?"

Bianca shook her head, and Fitz was surprised at the tears welled up inside them. "You need to tell someone Fitz. You need to. I… I was with Vince for a while… to protect Drew… and he hurt me…"

Fitz's eyes widened.

"I didn't tell anyone… and I just let him. If I had told somebody sooner… maybe he wouldn't have come to the prom looking for me… and shot up the place."

Fitz blinked, not knowing what to think. "Clare would want you to do this Fitz," Bianca pleaded, and he thought back to the time he had first admitted to someone what Steve was doing, how her expression softened and she inquired about his parents… how she cared.

"Okay…" he muttered softly. "Okay."

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><p><strong>I've always thought Fitz put Clare on a pedistal or whatever, that she represented being good and having a future, and that's what he wanted, and I tried to represent that here, and when he lost her, he was crushed because if she couldn't live and have the life she was suppose to, what hope did he have? <strong>

**Also, first time writing Owen, Fitz & Bianca- Hope I didn't butcher them! :x **

**Review? **

twitter; ToriHill29  
>tumblr; klareaddictsanonymous<br>youtube; MegansCold


	6. KC

**a/n: Back from Europe, and finally getting around to uploading this! I've been so busy catching up with classes, and sleep! I'm a really big klare and KC fan, so this was hard to write. I feel like my ideas are really scattered, and it shifts a lot... idk, enjoy?**

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><p>KC wiped the last table off, clearing it of sticky rib sauce and stacked up the chairs one by one. Keeping his job at Little Miss Steaks kept him sane. Here he was able to forget about the drama with Jenna (at least when Marisol wasn't working) and the pain he felt about not being in Tyson- Doug's life. Work kept him busy and he liked that. It also helped that now he was promoted from bus boy to waiter, and got better shifts.<p>

"All done, man?" A fellow waiter, Kristian, asked as he finished with his own section. "Yeah," KC grinned half-heartedly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

KC stepped out of the restaurant, feeling the cool evening air wash over his face. He was contemplating the homework he needed to finish before he called it quits for tonight when KC was suddenly knocked off his feet by a girl traveling at a reckless speed on a skateboard, a boy running behind her.

"I am so, so sorry!" She apologized, pushing her wild, dark curls out of her face. "Zig insisted I had to try skateboarding because it is so important, even though I didn't even want to! I'm sorry!"

The boy, Zig, walked past his upset girlfriend and offered KC a hand to pull him up. "Sorry," He shrugged as Tori sent him a glare. "I didn't see you walking down the street."

"It's fine," KC assured the two. "You might want to make sure she can balance first before she rides," He advised, seeing Tori stand up, her legs wobbling. "Last time I taught a girl how to skateboard, that was my mistake." The boy nodded and left with the girl, leaving KC with a surprise pang in his chest.

It had been over a month since Prom, and the night Clare Edwards had died. He'd been upset, yes, but in typical KC fashion, he tried pushing it out of his mind. Just like everything else in his life, KC tried to forget about the pain and hurt he felt at hearing about Clare's passing from Dave. He ignored everyone who tried to speak of it, and even picked up more shifts when his own mother wanted to talk to him about how he was doing just to avoid the subject.

But seeing Zig trying to teach his girlfriend how to skateboard, just like KC had a little more over a year ago hit him hard. He glanced over to the side of the road, almost able to hear Clare's squeal as she stepped onto the board for the first time.

"_KC!" Clare squealed as the boarded moved forward a few inches, causing her to wobble. "I'm not sure about this anymore." _

"_Come on, Clare" KC had said, squeezing her hand in reassurance. "I'll hold onto you the whole time, you won't fall." _

"_Do you swear?" Clare had asked, holding onto his hand tighter. KC nodded, removing his hand from her vice-like grip and placing both around her waist. _

KC let out a short laugh as the memory faded. He had tried to hang on to Clare, but the hill was steeper than he thought, causing him to face plant into the sidewalk as Clare continued down the hill, hitting a streetlight and falling into a bush. Clare had reprimanded him at first; angry he had talked her into something stupid, but then he silenced her with a kiss. It was a innocent kiss, really just a peck, but it did cause Clare's mouth to close shut, and heat to pool into her cheeks while KC gave her a goofy grin.

Sighing, the sandy haired boy hiked his backpack higher up on his shoulder and continued to march on back home. Little Miss Steaks wasn't too far of a walk back to the apartment complex he lived at with his mom, but it was long enough that Clare Edwards seemed to be taking over his mind, pushing forward the good memories, and the bad.

Trudging by the pier, KC stopped, hearing the waves crash out on the lake. This was Clare's favorite spot to go when they went out. She would sneakily tell her parents she was studying with Alli, and instead her and KC would walk down here, hand in hand, talking about school, life, anything. KC would eventually buy her a cup of hot chocolate when the air got chilly, and then they would sit at the dock, watching the tide come in.

"_I love that sound, you know," Clare commented, watching the waves clash together as the sun set down. "There is just something so… peaceful about it." _

_KC would just smile at her, taking a sip of his drink, and watch the complete wonder and joy that formed across her face. "I like looking out at the water…. I know it's not the ocean, but it makes me feel closer to Darcy somehow. I know she is miles away, but sometime I feel like she is looking across the water to… thinking of me… missing our family." _

"_You really miss her, don't you?" KC asked, curling his fingers in with hers in an attempt to comfort. "Yeah," Clare replied wistfully. "But, Darcy needed this. Besides… She'll come back eventually." _

"_Well, you still have me," KC told her, grinning as Clare blushed. He could never get enough of that. _

"_I know," Clare said, smiling coyly. "I'm glad we're together." _

"_Me too," KC sealed the deal with a kiss, both coming up blushing, amazed their new relationship allowed them to do that. _

KC could feel the pent up emotion bubbling painfully in his stomach. Sitting down at the dock, he starred across at the water, wondering if Clare was watching it too… from where ever she was. "It's not fair…" he whispered to himself, in his lonesome. He couldn't stop thinking that Clare should be the one sitting here, ejoying the crashing waves, if anything, he should be the one gone. He was the one who made mistakes; the one who stole cars, cheated on his girlfriend and let down and gave away his son to some strangers. Clare never did anything wrong. She looked out for people.

She looked out for him.

She saw him how he wanted to be seen. She saw him as a good guy, despite his upbringing, his past as a young hooligan and everything else. He hurt her, badly, and she let him know. She set him on the right track so many times, unconsciously, and KC had no idea where he'd be if he never met her, if he never knew her.

He felt something wet drop onto his knee, startled, he glanced up at the sky, but it had no rain cloud in sight. Feeling his face, KC realized he was crying.

Crying for Clare.

He took off running. From what he wasn't sure. All KC knew was he couldn't handle this. He couldn't handle anything. He couldn't handle his dad in prison, eventually coming out, and trying to see him. He couldn't deal with the fact that half the school looked at him in disgust, and although he still had some friend, he felt more alone than ever. He couldn't bare seeing Jenna happy and carefree, already moved on with Jake Martin, when he was still wallowing in self-hatred and despair, and he definitely couldn't live with the fact that his son was gone. He would never get to know who he was, and he would never get to see him grow up.

KC couldn't accept that Clare Edwards, his angel on the shoulder, his light at the end of the dark tunnel, was gone. Murdered. Dead. Never coming back.

There was no hope left in the world.

Charging through the apartment door, KC ran past his mother and slammed the door to his room shut. The emotions, the anger, the feelings all can lashing out into one big hurricane of mass destruction as KC whipped his backpack off, throwing it with great force into his desk, knocking picture's, books and other knick knack clattering onto the ground. Spinning around hazardously, KC kicked, lifted, swiped and grabbed anything and everything. He was the fire, and his room was the forest, as he unleashed his anger, demolishing everything in his path to at least let _something_ out.

"KC! KC" He heard someone shout, but the voice seemed miles away. KC only paused, moving in slow motion when he saw something on the ground; something that caught his eye besides crumpled papers and shattered glass. Carefully moving his fingers over the broken mug, KC slide a small photograph from underneath. It had miraculously survived his tantrum.

Crumpling down to the floor in defeat, KC let out a wail, hugging the picture tightly to his chest. "KC! KC!" Lisa shouted, her eyes wide with worried as he sank to the ground with her son. "What's wrong? You need to tell me what's wrong."

"Everything's wrong," He moaned, falling over onto his side, his head on his mother's shoulder. "She's dead… and everything is wrong."

"Shhh," Lisa hummed, trying to calm him, but KC only cried harder. "I tried… I tried so hard. But I'm just a screw up. I always was, not matter what. I'm just like him!"

"No, KC," Lisa soothed, pulling his face towards his. "You are not your father, you're a sweet boy who's made mistakes, like any other, and you are learning from them."

"It hurts," he whimpered, letting go of the photograph, looking at Clare's from the Black and White dance back in ninth grade. "It hurts so much."

"I know," Lisa whispered, rocking her son back and forth. "I know."

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><p><strong>Eh, good, awful? Review? <strong>

**Also, I wanted to do a contest of sorts, so whoever can get this trivia point right first can get either a one shot of your pairing/character/subject choice written by me, and edit of your choice made by me or a video with your song/character choice made by me :) here it is; **

**Which Lakehurst boy was with Emma, Manny and Liberty?**

**leave your answer in a review!**

**twitter; ToriHill29**  
><strong>tumblr:klareaddictsanonymous<strong>  
><strong>youtube: MegansCold<strong>


	7. Jake

a/n: **Again, I apologize for talking so long to update. It took so long due to a mix of both writers block, and senior year. However, I have finished my exam(s) and am now free to write! :D **

**I also want to give a shout out to VannHazel, who left lovely reviews, and is an amazing writer herself. You need to read her fic, Foolish Games! Also, an _holla_ to B! I've missed seeing you on Katie's page, gurl! Also, congrads to AbsurdAnimals for winning my trivia challenge. I will be sure to write your post-frostival eclare oneshot asap.**

**in other words, everyone, enjoy! **

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><p>Every morning was the same.<p>

Jake would wake up early; so early the sun hadn't come out to greet him good morning. With the little sleep he had gotten during the night, he was able to bumble around his small room and find clothes to through on, and once he grabbed an apple and his keys, he was gone. He came back around dinner time, not able to escape the hunger pains, and became mute.

Each day it was the same. A generic pattern; never broken.

As like any other day, Jake found himself driving down a long dirt road, out in the country, feeling closer to home by the second. City life had never sat well with him. He drummed his fingers on the stirring wheel, before making a right turn into an empty memorial park. Leaves and sticks crunched under his feet, as he made his way down the familiar path, feeling a peace for a moment as the wind blew lightly through his hair. Jake came to a stop a little way down the path, moving off to the side, crouching down to swipe leaves and other objects off a light grey stone. "Hi Mom." He greeted softly, tracing her name engraved on the tombstone.

Jake moved into a sitting position, playing with his fingers nervously. "It's been getting harder at home, Mom… if you can even call it that." He spoke. "Dad spends a lot of his time either working, or with Helen… and Darcy is doing her own thing. I just feel… so alone."

The boy picked up a lone stick, ripping off the small twigs attached to it. "School is even harder… I didn't really know anyone accept for_ her _and now the school just gives me these looks of pity, or even… disgust. I… I think some of them blame me, mom." He let out a shaky breath. "I… I really liked her mom, maybe even loved her… I don't know. I didn't want to break up with her… but I had to. Dad was happy… and I needed him to be happy. But… maybe if I hadn't done it… Clare would still be here."

"You remember Clare, don't you mom?" Jake asked, cracking the first smile in ages. "We had cottages next to each other, and I always got in trouble because I would tease her, pull on her hair, and throw dead frogs on her. And dad always told me to stop it, but you were the one who told me one day I'd make it up to her." He laughed slightly. "You were right, mom."

Jake sighed. "I miss her. I miss her every day. Her smile, the way she would laugh at my corny jokes…the way she kissed me…" A deep blush adorned his face as he looked down, turning sombre. "I loved everything about her and what we had… but family is important… and dad was finally happy mom. I know after your… miscarriage, things were difficult. I hated you for leaving at the time, because I really couldn't understand why you would leave dad. He was a mess after it mom, and it just killed me to see him so down. It when then I swore I would do whatever it takes to make him happy, and give up on love in the process. But Clare changed me, mom."

"Everyone seems to be dealing… but I just can't let it go. It all feels like some terrible dream I can't wake up from. I just… I wish you were here. I need you here to tell me everything will be okay, to rub my back and comfort me. Dad… he means well but he never asks if I am okay- ever. He just… assumes I would be. At the funeral, I thought he was going to say something, but he just told me to be there and be strong for Helen and Darcy. He doesn't get it. He never gets anything I feel!"

Breathing heavily, Jake realized he had silent tears running down his face. He moved forward and places a kiss on the grave. "Sorry we were too late to save you mom. Say hi to Clare for me…"

And just like any other day, Jake took the walk back, got into his red pick-up truck and drove back to Toronto, erasing today's events from his mind.

…

As the door swung open late at night, Glen looked up, seeing the tall figure of his son walk through the doorway. "Jake," he said, gesturing his son forward. "Where you've been? You missed dinner."

"I was out." The boy said vaguely, shrugging off his jacket.

"All day? Darcy said that you left before she woke up. Where've you been?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "Why does it matter? I had someone to see, and I'm back now. End of story."

Glen raised his eyebrows, "Is it a girl? Jake, I know you are a young man who is going to want to go out and have a good time, but I told you, we really need to pull it together, we are a family, and Helen and Darcy-"

"For God's sake dad, I am not seeing a girl!" Jake shouted suddenly. "And I know 'we have to look out for Darcy and Helen' blah blah blah! _What about me, dad?_ When was the last time you asked me how I felt about _everything?"_

"Jake… I didn't know-"

"_-Because you never asked!"_ Jake cut him off. "All you ever do it tell me stuff and assume I'll be okay with it. Like when you dropped the bomb you were marrying Helen! Were you ever going to tell me how serious you were? It's only been a few years since mom died, you know. Since I called you in a panic when I found her with a bottle of prescription pills in her hand when it was my weekend with her, and having to read her suicide note!" He bellowed, clutching his hair tightly in each hand. " I liked Clare a lot, you know. I actually_ loved_ her! And we didn't even get a chance because you just… you just expect me to be fine and dandy with everything, and I did… just so you could be happy dad, but you know what? I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS!"

Glen's jaw dropped, rushing forward to his son. "Jake… Jake, I am so sorry… I never thought."

"I visited mom today." Jake said after a moment. "I go and visit her every day. I talk about my life… school… you… and Clare."

Jake collapsed down on a kitchen chair, hiding his face into his hands, shoulders shaking with supressed cries. Glen leaded down to his son's level, wrapping his arms around him. "I'm so sorry Jake. I… I never thought to talk about this… or anything." Glen had never felt like more of a failure of a father since his wife committed suicide. He needed a solution. Somewhere for him and Jake to talk everything out. "How about I make an appointment with a family therapist. We can talk about the new marriage… your mom… everything. Does that sound good?"

Somewhere in the fit of his cries, Jake nodded. Glen started to rub his back, and Jake calmed down considerably, remembering his wish for his mother to do the same thing. "I miss her." He spoke quietly.

"Who?"

"Mom… Clare. I miss them."

Glen gave him a sad smile. "We both miss them, bud. We just have to remember… they are in a better place… looking over us."

"I know… I know."

* * *

><p>an II:** as you may tell, I ship cake ;) haters gonna hate~~~ anyways, any comments would be lovely, and constructive criticism is welcome. **

**next trivia question:** Who are all the characters who have had eating disorders on the show?


	8. Adam

**A/N: I'm back.**

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><p>He twisted the barrette through his fingers, feeling the cool metal against his skin. He squeezed the lighter he had in his other hand, his heart beating furiously. A cold shiver ran down is spine as he flicked the lighter on; it was an eerily familiar feeling began to sink in.<p>

Adam felt his stomach clench painfully, remembering he hadn't attempted to burn himself again since she found him and stopped him. She still remained the only girl who accepted him right away without fault. She accepted who he was before his own mother. And now she was gone…

He clamped his eyes shut; he didn't like to think about Clare's passing. His mother and brother tried, however. They wanted him to talk about it… about Clare and his feelings. But Adam couldn't. He couldn't deal with the pain of losing his best friend and how lonely he felt without her around. Adam was doing what he did best- Burying his feelings and putting on a brave face.

"Adam?" A muffled voiced called from the other side of the room. Adam lunged over his bed and stuffed the lighter and barrette deep into his sock drawer as Drew began knocking on his door. "Adam? I know you're in there."

Sighing in annoyance, Adam turned the doorknob and opened the door, looking at his brother questionably. "What?" Adam snapped, "Am I not allowed to have a nap in my own room now?"

"Mom wants to see you," Drew said, scratching his head at the tension between them.

The smaller boy groaned. "Of course she does."

His brother stuffed his hands in his pockets, moving out of the doorway. "Don't shoot the massager," he said, "Just go down and see what she wants."

Muttering irritably, Adam passed Drew and stomped down the stairs into the living room where his mother was sitting with his father. The two adults were talking quietly while Adam stepped in; he looked at them questionably as they quickly stopped speaking. "What," He asked sarcastically. "Is this an intervention or something?"

Mr. Torres sighed. "Adam…" He began.

"What?"

"Adam, why don't you sit down so we can talk," Audra suggested, while Adam merely crossed his arms in defiance. "I'm fine right here," He snapped at her.

"Adam," Audra said, trying to keep her cool. "Can you just please come here and-"

Adam interrupted, "Just tell me what you want so I can leave already."

"This is exactly it!" Audra barked. "Ever since your friend's passing, you've been exclusive! You're always hiding out in your room, and you never talk to any of us! You have all this bottled up anger and we just want to help you, Adam. You need to talk to us!"

"You don't understand!" Adam yelled, waving his clenched fists around. "None of you do!"

"That's why I set up an appointment with a child psychiatrist for you, honey," His mom said, trying to keep her voice calm. "It will help you come to terms with-"

"STOP!" He screamed. "Just stop it! I'm not talking to you, or anyone! I'm not going to see a stupid psychiatrist either! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Adam-!"

"Shut up," He glared at his parents. "I'm going to Eli's." He grabbed his jacket and roughly shoved his arms into the sleeves before storming out the door.

…

"… and then my parents basically had an intervention with me, saying I needed to see a psychiatrist and shit." Adam vented to Eli, spinning in the older boy's desk chair, while he laid in his unkempt bed. "Everyone just walks on eggshells around me now, and I hate it. I can't even stay in my room for an hour without my mom or Drew freaking out at me."

"Welcome to my world," Eli muttered, starring at his ceiling with a gloomy expression on his face.

Adam frowned. "I'm sorry, dude… I didn't mean to offend- uh, how bad are they…? Your parents?"

Eli shrugged. "They basically have me on suicide watch."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"How'd you get them to not be here today then?" Adam asked, for he had not seen a sign of Cece or Bullfrog since he arrived at the Eli's over an hour ago.

"Bullfrog had to work, and Cece's friend had come kind of accident, so she's with her at the emergency room." Eli replied, although his tone remains emotionless.

Adam noticed his friend's comatose state, and tried to joke, "Freedom at last, eh?" but Eli remained silent.

Biting his lip, Adam asked a question. "Eli…. Are you okay?"

The dark haired boy closed his eyes. "No."

Adam moved and gingerly sat at the foot of Eli's bed, the bedsprings squeaking with his added weight. "Eli… if you want to talk or something….about her… you can," Adam said, trying to keep the awkwardness out of his tone- Eli and him never use to talk about anything serious… until now. "I mean, I get what you're going through…. I…" Adam swallowed a sob. "I really miss her too."

Eli slowly sat up, narrowing his eyes at his friend. "No, you don't."

"Excuse me?" Adam said, raising his eyebrows.

"You don't get it," Eli scoffed. "I loved her, Adam. And now she's gone. I can never get her back… it's all gone! I've lost the second girl I loved! You don't understand that!"

Adam bounced off Eli's bed, his bottled up range coming up towards the surface. "How dare you say that to me!" He said, his voice rising. "I loved her to, you know! Maybe not that same way you did, but Clare was my best friend! She was the first girl to accept me as me and helped me with everything! And now, I don't have her! She's gone, and I don't even know what to do with myself! I need you to be there for me, but you're too busy being selfish and thinking about YOU and how only how YOU loved her and how it affects YOU YOU YOU!" Tears began running down Adam's face, but he ignored them, turned red with suppressed anger. "You aren't the only one who loved Clare, Eli. I loved her! Everyone did! And she's gone now, and you're still living in that world of self-pity since you broke up! Wake up, Eli! You might have lost the second girl you were "in love" with, but I lost my BEST FRIEND, and I am so fucking tired of you ignoring my feelings!"

"Adam, "Eli began, looking bewildered.

"No." The young boy said. "I'm done."

He stormed out of a room for the second time, stomping down the stairs and out of Eli's front door. Adam could no longer hold back the tears, the emotions he had been hiding since Clare's passing. He couldn't pretend to be strong anymore. He sobbed openly, collapsing on a bench near a park. He cried over Clare and how she really was gone. He cried because he didn't have his best friend, he cried because of how hurt Eli was. He just cried and cried and cried.

Adam wasn't sure how long it had been since he had left his house… since he had stopped crying. Pulling himself together, he pulled his cellphone out of his jeans pocket and called the person he needed to see the most. "Drew?" Adam crocked. "Can… can you come get me? I need you."

…

Drew was there, sitting beside him after a few minutes. "Are you okay, Adam?" He asked his younger brother. "I worry about you, you know. I mean… I can tell you are hurting… so much and you try to hold it in for everyone around you… but, you don't need to be such a warrior all the time." Drew wrapped his arm around him. "I'm here for you to lean on, you know. That's what family is for."

He broke down sobbing again, leaning into his brother's chest. "I… I miss her so much! Why did this have to happen?"

Drew leaned into him, running fingers through his hair soothingly. "I don't know, Adam. I'm really sorry."

Adam leaned back, wiping his face and starred up at his brother. "Drew… "He began, anxiety bubbling in his stomach. "I… I almost burned myself today. When you were coming up into the room…"

"What!" Drew gasped, gripping Adam's shoulder. "Adam, why would you…"

"I don't know…" He replied. "I just… I feel so lost. Clare… she was the one that found me burning myself when I was Gracie that one time when Grams came to visit… and she helped me… she accepted me as Adam the first time and I've never met another girl like that…"

"She wouldn't want you doing that to yourself, Adam." Reasoned Drew. "You know, she's probably looking over you right now. She's still with you, Adam. She still believes in you, and accepts you. She's in your heart."

Adam placed his hand over his beating heart, and sighed. He felt back into his brother's embrace and looked up towards the darkening sky. "Thank you," he whispered, hoping wherever Clare was, she could hear him, for he was certain he wouldn't be who he was today without her.

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><p><strong>AN: So this isn't really that great, but I hope you all enjoyed. I'm sorry for not updating for months, but due to personal events that happened during the summer, I was not in a mood to write. But, I am now and I hope to finish this story off soon and start some new ones. Only two chapters left. **


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